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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Rotten or Respectful?

I'm turning the screen toward my husband as I write this so He can see every word. Just typing the blog title makes me cringe ... and proves how necessary transparency truly is.

Respectful communication is a must in marriage. There's just one problemthe little pink thing that flaps back and forth in my mouth. Without warning it rages. I'm sure you have as much trouble with yours as I do with mine.

Proverbs 12:4 says, "An excellent wife is a crown for a husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones."

A few weeks ago, Mark and I hit a slippery slope. To tell you the truth, I didn't even see it coming. I let my responsibilities with my ministry take precedence over my marriage, and before I knew it, my husband was sending me an email to tell me how he was feeling.

An email.

After reading it I had a choice to makerespect him and acknowledge his feelings or shame him and shirk responsibility.

The second choice would've been much easier. I could've come up with ten-thousand excuses about why I was so busy. After all, serving God is paramount, right?

Wrong. It's number five on the list. According to Titus 2, it comes after my relationship with Christ, my husband, my children, and my home.

By the grace of God, I didn't go on a rampage as I've been known to do in the past. Instead, I respectfully talked to him with a repentant heart. I confessed to him my misplaced priorities and asked him to forgive me. And just so I didn't forget what I'd acknowledged as sin, I shared his email with two ladies on my leadership team for accountability.

There isn't a man in this world that wants to be shamed. That's why the locked-vault syndrome occurs when you disrespect your man. I know you know what I'm talking about.

You disrespect him; He clams up.

Then you get even angrier because he refuses to talk.

Men need the respect of their wives, which is why Ephesians 6 commands wives to respect their husbands. In the Greek, respect means "to fear, reverence, or be in awe." That sounds a lot like how we're supposed to treat God, doesn't it? God has given our husbands authority over us here on this Earth until he returns from heaven as our bridegroom.

When was the last time you stood in awe of the amazing gift God has given to you in your husband? Praise Him and thank him today for joining you together as one flesh, and confess to God any disrespect or shame you've shown your man. But don't just tell God; tell your husband as well. Then you'll be his crown.


Jennifer said...

One of your best posts thus far!

Katie Anderson said...

Love it!

Stephanie Shott said...

What a great post! Needed for all who wear a ring on her finger...but especially for those ministry-minded, driven women who are dedicated to making an impact on this world for Christ. THOSE women need the reminder that service to the world is superseded by her relationship to Christ, her relationship to her husband, her children and her ministry inside her home!
Loved this! :-)

Anonymous said...

Great post Stephanie,

Love it! Good stuff!!

Love, Hester

Danielle said...

Thank you so much for this! My husband and I had a similar conversation this past weekend. Except it was me being the one letting him know how I feel. But, it was the first time I did it in a way that wasn't disrepecting him and totally pointing the finger at him for his faults. I wanted him to see that jointly we've gotten to the place we're at and that it would take the both of us--with God at the center-- to correct 12 years of garbage in our lives.

Are you going to She Speaks this year?

Holli Ratcliffe said...

Three days ago my husband and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary! I so want to be a crown to him...thank you for this encouragement.

Stephanie Garneau said...

Thanks Jen and Katie! Steph, I agree wholeheartedly. I think that is a TRAP the Enemy sets for us Jesus girls!!

You are welcome Danielle! SO proud of you for speaking respectfully to your husband. I will be pray for God to bring healing and restoration to your marriage.

I'm not sure if I'm going to She Speaks this year. I've been the last two years and am feeling led to take a few days with my leadership team and go over everything I've learned the past two years so I can process the info better and apply more of it to my life and ministry. What about you? :)

HeatherLea said...

Oh, isn't this every woman's struggle. Thank you for your transparency Steph. Just this week, I've been praising the Lord for my gracious husband. I was stuck in a rut of complaining and that is not the crown my husband wants to wear. I do desire to bless him and thankfully my Lord chastens me through His Word and brings me to understand that complaints are fruitless and only weigh on my husband. I pray that I will use my words rather to respect and bless him.

Nelson Souzza said...

The blog is very good!

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