It's been a whirlwind of a week ... filled with a whirlwind of emotions. After a fun day of shopping last Friday with my mother-in-law, Lorraine, and my daughter, Grace, we traipsed through the door at 8:00 p.m. exhausted.
As I sat down at my computer to check my email, butterflies flittered in my stomach. It was a little over four weeks since I had heard from the editor regarding my book proposal, and I knew she said she needed up to four weeks to give me a response. I hurriedly scanned my Inbox, but as the bold black letters of her name crystallized before my eyes, my heart skipped a beat.
This was it- acceptance or rejection.
I breathed in deeply and opened her email. I don't think I've ever read one so quickly. My black desk chair almost toppled over from the force of my body as I leapt from my seat. I screamed "PRAISE THE LORD" at the top of my lungs and literally danced around my yellow kitchen. You should have seen my Praise Jesus dance!! I could've given David a run for his money (2 Samuel 6:14). My mother-in-law quickly joined in, and we were both jumping for joy. Grace looked at us with a crooked smile as if we had both lost our minds. But once I explained to her that her mommy's Bible study was going to be presented to a publishing board, she rose from her seat and began dancing too!
Unfortunately, it didn't take long for the emotional high of Friday night to be replaced by an emotional low. Fear replaced confidence. Doubt replaced belief. And before I knew it, I was completely overwhelmed.
What if my proposal actually got accepted? How would I juggle writing a book with mothering three children seven and under and homeschooling two of them? What if I didn't have the endurance to pen an entire curriculum? What if I let the publisher down? I was plagued with what ifs. No one in the publishing world ever told me that success was just as scary as failure.
But then I remembered that God is not the Father of fear. That title belongs to the Devil. God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). I don't have to be afraid because God doesn't call the equipped; He equips the called.
One of my devotions this week in Jesus Calling summed it up superbly.
Walk peacefully through this day. You are wondering how you will cope with all that is expected of you. You must traverse this day like any other: one step at a time. Instead of mentally rehearsing how you will do this or that, keep your mind on My Presence and on taking the next step. The more demanding your day, the more help you can expect from me. This is a training opportunity, since I designed you for deep dependence on your Shepherd-King.
Don't wonder- trust.
Take one step at a time.
Keep my mind filled with the perfect presence of Christ.
Expect more help when the days are demanding.
Realize I'm traversing God's training ground.
So I've vowed to walk peacefully and wait expectantly on the harvest. And even if I have to run to the horizon seven times before God answers (1 Kings 18:44), my prayer is that I'll run believing He is able.